I just got back from a trip to Texas & thought I'd post on how much I l00000ve it. Texans are some of the sweetest people I've met & I love how everything is so Godly. They said God bless you on the radio! If it was Canada they'd either just say bless you or have to go through every religious & spiritual entity as well. Plus they have pretty good priced beer which is a sure fire way to bring a smile to my face. Anyways I'm going to finish off my ramblings with some jokes & then I'm off to have some beer to end my long but rather fun weekend.
Difference Between Yankee Zoo & Texas Zoo
What's the real difference between a Yankee Zoo and a Texas Zoo?
On the cage, a Yankee Zoo will have the name of the animal and then the scientific name in Latin.
Whereas, a Texas Zoo will have the name of the animal and the recipe.....!
You know you are in Texas when... The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground. The trees are whistling for the dogs. The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. Hot water now comes out of both taps. You can make sun tea instantly. You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron. The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly. You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car. You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window. You actually burn your hand opening the car door. You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?" You realize that asphalt has a liquid state. The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper. Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs. The cows are giving evaporated milk.
When LBJ died and went to heaven he refused to go through the pearly gates until the boss came out and answered a question.... The boss comes out. LBJ says: "I want to know one thing, and I want to know it right now. Why wasn't Jesus Christ born a Texan? The world would have been a much better place if Jesus Christ had been a Texan. God said (try this with a yiddish accent): "Lyndon, Lyndon, Lyndon. What can I tell you? Texas was our first choice. But we couldn't find three wise men or a virgin!"
Twas 1870 and there were three people in a Texas stagecoach one day: a true red-blooded born-and-raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city-slicker from back East, and a beautiful and well-endowed Texas lady. The city-slicker kept eyeing the lady, and finally he leaned forward and said, "Lady, I'll give you $10 if you show me a good time." The Texas gentleman looked appalled, pulled out his pistol, and killed the city-slicker on the spot. The lady gasped and said, "Thank you, suh, for defendin' mah honor!" Whereupon the Texan holstered his gun and said, "Your honor, hell!! No tenderfoot is gonna raise the price of women in Texas!!" |
